It might not go down with the classic confrontations about chili (beans v. no beans), barbecue (mesquite v. charcoal v. gas) or which community is actually THE peach capital (Parker County, Gillespie County or Freestone County). This moment of sacrilege centers on that item declared “genuine” to the Lone Star State – the hamburger, allegedly invented in Athens. My bone of contention is not its origin, but its accouterments. It is against all principles of nature, and taste buds, to put mustard on a beef patty. The correct answer should the Reagan-era vegetable of choice – ketchup.
My beliefs were stoked recently as I ordered one of Kincaid’s marvelous creations in Fort Worth (why isn’t there one where I live?). If you've never eaten there, you don't know what you're missing!
Had I not said something at the “place order here” desk, my burger would have been violated with that yucky yellow stuff. It should be the other way around; mustard should be an add-on, not a normal part of the process.
Mustard is a bitter seed which properly belongs on sausage-type products (sausage, hot dogs, brats, pork tenderloin, etc.). It can be yellow or brown, and contain fancy names like Dijon or Cajun. A strong mustard has a very powerful (and often painful) effect on the nasal membranes “if eaten carelessly.”
From the online encyclopedia, Wikipedia.com, comes this:
“The French have used mustard seeds as a spice since 800 AD,
and it was amongst spices taken by the Spanish on explorations throughout the 1400s. Pope John XXII was particularly fond of mustard, and created a new position in the Vatican, ‘grand moutardier du pape’ or ‘mustard maker to the pope.’”
For Heaven’s sake, you want a Texas creation to be defined by the French??!!??
Beef, on the other hand, needs a tangy sweetness created by all things tomato. That means ketchup, not the more effete sounding “catsup.” It just goes together in perfect harmony.
If you’ve always wondered which reference (ketchup or catsup) was correct, according to Worldwide words.org, the product was referred to as “catchup” as far back as 1690 and in Scribner’s Magazine in 1859. The general consensus is that ketchup and catsup are exactly the same silly thing.
“Ketchup was one of the earliest names given to this condiment, so spelled in Charles Lockyer’s book of 1711, ‘An Account of the Trade in India:’ ‘Soy comes in Tubbs from Jappan, and the best Ketchup from Tonquin; yet good of both sorts are made and sold very cheap in China.’”There are plenty of examples to flavor my side of the argument. The Chinese use hot mustard often to spike their sweet and sour sauces and it ain’t the sweet part. No one in their right mind would slap mustard on brisket and would anyone ever make a real Texas bowl of red (chili for the uninitiated) with … mustard??
Please!
Children insist on ketchup on hot dogs because, frankfurterly, they don’t know better. The real test comes at the perfect setting for a hot dog – at a baseball game. When you get one from a vendor in the stands, the proper method to serve it is steamed, on a warm (not soggy) bun and with two slaps of yellow mustard. That’s it! The relish, onions and other items should be confined to tables next to concession stands where all sort of culinary perversions take place. Sushi at a baseball game?
Puh-lease!
For the naysayers, ketchup does not belong on scrambled eggs, egg rolls, ham sandwiches or any combination in a kosher deli. Bologna sandwiches can have either because there just too much of a mish-mash in normal bologna to determine proper food grouping.
Putting a little “mustard on the ball” is a good thing for a baseball pitcher. Throwing a rotten tomato at a theater performer is not a good thing. In the board game “Clue,” one of the murder suspects is Col. MUSTARD; not Captain Ketchup!
Texas is unique as its cuisine. It was once a “blue” state and is now seen as a strong “red” state. But it should never, ever become a “yellow” state.
Puh-lease!
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