Ladies and gentlemen,
I take this opportunity to make a major announcement to you and to the world:
I, Chuck Bloom, am NOT the father of the baby girl birthed by the late Anna Nicole Smith.
Now I realize that I might be the only male person in the U.S. who hasn't had sex with her and could be the only man unwilling to claim the child's parentage in lieu of the multi-million dollar inheritance involved (which I am sure has NOTHING to do with anything - it's ALL about love).
I know I never ... had ... physical ... relations ... with that woman (I AM pointing my finger, too). Something I heard long ago about strapping a board to my ass to keep from falling in.
I, like you, look forward to see who will win this Wheel of Fortune game.
If it weren't so tragic (a child's loss of a mother), I'd be laughing.
But it ain't me babe (cue The Turtles and Bob Dylan).