Human nature, being the bewildering phenomenon that it is, makes some of us confess to things we’d rather not make public. Almost all of us fib (just a little) to loved ones (we call them “white lies”) and on our taxes (we call them “deductions”).
And this summer, many of us Collin Countyies will take trips to special places and return with what can generously be considered “souvenirs” – those little mementos (a towel, ashtray, glass) with hotel insignias to remind you of the wonderful times while staying there.
I have my personal collection over the years – towels from the UT Frank Erwin Special Events Center, Golden Nugget and other Las Vegas hotels that have been reduced to dust by dynamite and the wrecker ball. One hand towel came from our honeymoon hotel in Waikiki and I just found an old shoe shine pad from the Hotel Thayer at West Point, N.Y., obtained during the 1972 NCAA Men’s Swimming and Diving Championships.
I’m no criminal; it’s just human nature … but at least one unnamed Texas-based national hotel chain which, in English means “country house or villa” (and for which there are NONE offered within the chain) is addressing such behavior. Upon check-in recently to one of its double-bedded rooms, there sat a small placard on the nightstand.
And it read:
After arising from sticker shock, I continued to read:Dear Guest,
Due to the popularity of our guest room amenities, our Housekeeping Department now offers these items for sale:
Bath towels – $20
Hand towels – $15
Bath mats – $10
Face cloths – $10
Pillows – $30
Set of Sheets – $60
Blankets/Comforters – $50
Each guest room attendant (the new politically correct term for “maid”) is responsible for maintaining the guest room items. Should you decide to take these articles from the room, instead of obtaining them from the Executive Housekeeper (PC for “head maid”), we will assume you approve a corresponding charge to your account. Thank you.
I know what you’re thinking: no proper home is complete without a set of sheets too small to cover any normal bed and which feel like someone dump a pile of sand on them in the wash. Every child wants to dry off using a towel that feel like cat claws on tender skin and all of you have dreamt of wrapping up in those hotel comforters on a chilly night.
Right?
For $140, you can owe a set of four dingy white, overly-bleached, over-starched towels and hand towels that are too small to cover most infants and over which most of America has trampled on dirty hotel room floors – without even so much as an insignia to designate initial origin. Gee whiz, the folks at West Point Pepperell are shakin’ in their boots at the prospect of the consumer frenzy.
And there’s this “other” issue. In past years, through mental lapses (or that bad waffle mix at 7 a.m. – I’m not sure which), my wife and I have accidentally donated a few pillows of our own to the corporate cause on various trips.
I am not quite sure if the people at “The Villa” owe me anything, but by their own calculations, I figure it should be good for a $90 credit … if I follow their logic. What’s good for the goose should be equal for the gander.
Bottom line? These people think a little too highly of their laundry product. Recent changes find them washing their linen less often (under the guise of water conservation), meaning there is less to do for housekeeping. Pass the savings to the customer? Ha! The rates have all gone higher.
Want to penalize people for stealing towels and sheets? Tell them at check-in that the hotel reserves the right to add a penalty equal to one night’s stay for loss of linen. But don’t make a laundry list of charges for your laundry. That’s highly overrated, like the room you’re in.
Back to human nature, being what it is, I did something to remind me of my experience for the night.
I took the placard.
For this column. It went UPS the next week.
My guilt was overwhelming.
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