Sunday, March 12, 2006

Assholes in the airport

True fucking story.

I was flying un-American Airlines (the worst of the worst) back to DFW from Las Vegas last Saturday. I can speak to the tininess of airline seating these days and other unfriendly aspects of air travel (remember when it was actually ... fun?), but here is a true story that involves the stupidity that we call "airport security."

Because I must walk with a cane these days (real bad back problems), at McCarren (a nightmare of a layout and one of the most unfriendly venues for handicapped people), I was allowed to go through a separate line for us handicapped. However, the line was stalled for many minutes and a large huddle of men crowded around the baggage scanner, pointing fingers and deploying long faces.

Finally, the line moved, but when it came my turn to go through, I was asked to remove my shoes, which I could not do (no place to sit and no way to bend over to do that). In Dallas, they merely wanded my shoes with a device and things were peachy.

In Vegas, I was ushered to a separate goddamn area, told to sit my ass down and immediately wiped down (shoes and hands) with treated pads, which were put into some machine. Thi, I was told, was to search for drug residue. Because I had a cane? Bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was then patted down by some guy, front, back and in between, despite having nothing in my pockets or on my body (I placed all that shit in a bowl prior). Meanwhile, the whole line is staring at me - wondering what in the fuck is going on.

Did I look like, or walk like, someone who was dangerous? And with three different TSA personnel stating oppisite orders at once, I had no idea what their problem was.

I then discovered the reason for the line delay. A woman, who shall be titled "The Bitch," ahead of me had tried to take a pen knife in her purse (despite ample signs and videos every five feet to the contrary). At first, it displayed on the security screen. When the TSA personnel asked The Bitch to run the purse through again, it was gone, drawing more concerns and long faces.

Seems as if this mental midget fool took the knife out of the purse and put it ... in her goddamn pocket. How fucking ignorant can a person be????

They discovered her bait-and-switch and confiscated the knife. But they then allowed The Bitch to move through without any other action. I got frisked; she got a pass.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?????????????????????

Add to the idiocy the fact that in a space of 45 feet, you must show your boarding pass FIVE fucking times, including twice in a distance of 7 feet. WHY? It infuriated my wife to the point of verbally snapping a TSA guy's head off.

It was just too much! It makes air travel as unpleasant as a rectal exam. In fact, my ass felt better after seeing the doctor than sitting in a flying fucking cigar tube for three hours. It is absurd and the public allows itself to be treated this way.

I don't feel safer when I feel put upon. I hate airports; I hate airlines; I hate Transportation Safety Administration. I hate American Airlines. And I hate idiot bitches who can't read, and don't think, when trying to bend the rules (what year is it again?).

We have allowed our freedoms to be compromised because of some false sense of security. Want security? Go suck your thumb and grab a blanket, you faggot Linuses!!!!!!!!

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