The other day, I discovered that one of the most gorgeous women in Hollywood – actress Mila Kunis – she of “That 70s Show” and “The Story of Eli” and “Friends With Benefits” fame – is …. (wait for it) … Jewish!
I said to myself, “Self, this shiksa is Jewish?!?!”
Indeed, this Russian-born hottie is, as they say, a member of the tribe. And as I surfed further and farther, I learned she was not alone as a team player. Scarlett Johansson (“Lost in Translation”) is Jewish; as is Rachel Bilson (“The O.C.”), Amanda Bynes, Rashida Jones (“Parks and Recreation”), Rachel Weisz (Oscar-winner and in the two “The Mummy” remakes), Emmauelle Chriqui (“Entourage”) and … of course, Jerusalem-born Natalie Portman, the Oscar winner for “Black Swan.” Add to the list a convert, very blonde but now very Jewish Elizabeth Banks (“Zack and Mimi Make a Porno” and “Invincible”).
I said to myself, “Self, where were these women when I was young and full of life and single and hornier than a TCU mascot?”
Either in public school, my neighborhood in Detroit on at my temple did I ever, EVER see anyone who even approached any of these extremely attractive and (I must say) non-semetic looking Jewish women. They either possessed a nose emblematic of Barbra Streisand (who IS stunning, actually, even at her current age) or looked too much like Joan Rivers (who would frighten blind people).
Aside from the ever-present Jewish-American princes syndrome that forever gripped young women of the day (an inherited disease passed along through the mother), there was a missing quality about most of them – sexiness. I seldom looked at a Jewish girl, even in high school, and thought, “WOW!” I know I was not anyone’s Cary Grant (not Jewish) or John Garfield (real name: Julius Garfinkel, VERY Jewish), but I knew what I liked back then and no one tipped the scales like they do today.
One biography intrigued me; Rashida Jones is Jewish because her mother is Jewish. But how can that be? She’s the daughter of musician Quincy Jones and former 60s “Mod Squad” beauty Peggy Lipton – the quintessential California shiksa blonde (long hair, willowy features, mysterious eyes). Peggy Lipton?!?! JEWISH?!?!!? How could I not know? Why didn’t someone tell me for goodness sake?
My research simply proves that no one can judge a book, or a Torah (reader), by its cover. I just wish the covers looked as good back then as they do today.
Oy vay! I knew I liked the “Mod Squad” for SOME reason…